Heart of the Matter - Forgiveness

A conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment, vengeance or anger toward a person or group who caused you harm, regardless of whether they deserve it. It involves voluntarily letting go of the right to punish or seek retribution, which frees the individual from corrosive anger and promotes emotional healing.

FORGIVENESS, it is one of the most powerful yet simplistic actions we can take to heal our emotional wounds.

Now that we’ve defined what forgiveness is, we should also look at key distinctions involved. For instance, forgiveness does not mean excusing behavior or forgetting what happened. It also does not obligate the victim to restore a relationship or reconcile with the offender.

What forgiveness offers is the spiritual door for the forgiver to gain peace of mind and move on, rather than a gift to the offender. It also closes a spiritual opening to the enemy to enter and use that pain against you in the future.

ULTIMATE FORGIVENESS

We know the divine importance of forgiveness due to Jesus Christ’s sacrifice of his own sinless life on the cross to reconcile ALL sin for ALL of God’s children for ALL time. What does this mean? No sin is greater than another. And when you repent of your sins, your sins will not only be forgiven; but forgotten, completely erased. The part that people often overlook is the forgiveness you show to others is the forgiveness you will receive from our Heavenly Father. Which means that you should live life showing others forgiveness for every hurt, offense and perceived action that comes against you.

Do unto others as you would have done to you like the verse, “Judge not, and you will not be judged, condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven; give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure, you use it will be measured back to you.” Luke 6:37-38 Personally, I want all my sins forgiven and therefore do not want to hold anything against anyone so that when I repent, my sins are erased.

SPIRITUAL CONNECTION

We are all connected spiritually. No, not like the new age one consciousness of one mind concept. That fails to understand our individuality and unique free will. I’m suggesting that the spiritual world surrounding us and inside us connects when we interact with one another.

Our words, thoughts and actions have consequences and can cause unintentional harm to those we encounter. In life, we form what are called soul ties and I believe when we cause an emotional wound in another that forgiveness releases the wounded individual from the negative or unhealthy spiritual connection. It offers freedom from hostile emotions and triggers. That doesn’t mean you won’t remember, but when you look back it no longer bothers you.

HOW TO FORGIVE

Let’s first look at what the bible tells us about forgiving others. When Jesus taught the disciples how to pray, He said, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15

Understanding one another is difficult due to the unique experiences throughout our lives. It begins with the reminder that ALL of us are created in God’s image which is full of pure love and light. It is this fallen world that causes trauma while culture and society program us into what the world wants us to become.

STEP 1 - UNDERSTANDING

When I want to forgive someone, I start with an understanding that I do not know what that person has had to go through in their life. Then I also believe that when others lash out at us, it is usually due to the hurt and emotions inside of them that brought them to that moment.

Our inherent nature is not to cause intentional harm to others. The damage that traumatic incidents cause to our soul combined with the hurt we have experienced from others throughout our lives, can make us act in unnatural ways.

We all long to be loved and accepted. God provides the only truly unconditional love and acceptance, and we go about searching for that from the moment we a born into this human experience. We can find God’s love when we search for him with all our hearts.

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

STEP 2 – HUMBLE YOURSELF

Important reminder is that we ALL fall short in this life and we are ALL sinners. God does not see sin as we do. God is ALWAYS willing to forgive our sins when we repent, turn to Him and change our behaviors moving forward. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7

STEP 3 – FORGIVE & RELEASE

Choose to offer forgiveness. Depending on the level of offense that you perceived, you might need to make the choice repeatedly until you feel a release from it. In my opinion, forgiveness does not have to be offered in a face-to-face encounter. A spiritual release can happen without interaction.

Once you have truly forgiven someone in your heart, you can think of the person or the incident that caused you pain and no longer feel negative triggers or emotions. You’ll know when someone mentions that person and you do not have an adverse reaction.

REAL LIFE EXAMPLE

I was fired from a job I enjoyed and was really good at, but thankfully it allowed me time to search, find and build a strong enduring relationship with God that I was lacking. My boss created what I perceived was a toxic and manipulative work environment after coming from a similar prior situation it was amplified.

I knew that I needed to forgive both bosses in order to heal. I wondered how you know when your heart has truly forgiven another person. Then God gifted me a wild scenario that gave me solid proof.

I ran into the boss that fired me at a public event. My husband and I were having a conversation with a former coworker when my old boss walked up, interrupted the conversation. Then when she realized I was standing there, she stops talking, points at me, leans toward me and calls me, “the devil in disguise.” Other than shock, I felt bad for her making a spectacle and as she still ignored us and began talking to our coworker again, I turned to my husband and told him we should walk away.

In that moment, I knew I had forgiven her, because I no longer held negative feelings about her and wasn’t triggered by her actions toward me. Honestly, I prayed for her healing from any hurt that I could have caused her.

DOOR TO HEALING

Unforgiveness is a barrier to receiving the fullness of God. This barrier is often forgotten, because the culture surrounding us never discusses forgiving one another, but rather perpetuates holding grudges and getting retribution for the wrongs against you.

Forgiveness should be shown BEFORE you pray asking God for anything. When Jesus teaches that “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours.” Mark 11:24; He also states, “And whenever you stand praying, FORGIVE, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25

When your soul has truly forgiven others, you repent of your sins and give your life to the Lord, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!  Jesus told his disciples, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26. God not only changes our lives when we turn to him, but He wants all His goodness to fall upon you and permeate your entire life.  You can read more about how God took my hand and told me “You are now different”. Those words seem simple, but my life is more fulfilling and more meaningful than it has ever been and I’m grateful every day that I chose to forgive others, repent and search for the Lord with all my heart.

I have received emotional healing from childhood trauma, healing from Crohn’s disease diagnosis, God removed my chronic anxiety, and so many more blessings that I won’t bore you with here. I say these things to show that ALL things are possible when we remove barriers to God’s goodness and in my experience holding onto unforgiveness is one of those barriers.

Our Heavenly Father, doesn’t just want you to be healthy & whole, but He wants you to live and love like Jesus. The spiritual gifts offered to us through life with the Lord are magnified when all barriers have been removed from your soul. And let me remind you of what Jesus said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.” John 14: 12-14

In that statement, we as believers are to do greater things than Jesus and He raised people from the dead. Just think about that for a moment. But Jesus also said that whatever we ask in Jesus’ name, it will be done for us. We must believe that statement to be true and, in my opinion, remove all barriers before us to receive answers to our prayers.